The Great Coffin Controversy 2009

Dear Planet Impacters,

Have you ever done something with good intentions that didn’t quite turn out the way you wanted it to? Well, a week ago I had such an experience. I fully recognize that as a public speaker who tries to take nebulous concepts and translate them into a language that people can understand and remember, there is always the risk that things may be misinterpreted, and this is a risk I take every time I stand up to communicate. Especially when talking to a group of people that I deal with on a regular basis. I am OK with the idea of leaving some loose ends, some questions unanswered, and some issues unresolved because we are journeying together and in our context we will have opportunities to unpack, sort through, and bring resolution to things as we walk together.

In youth ministry it is tempting to get into the numbers game. But I have always held to the belief that just because something is swollen doesn’t mean it is healthy. Our goal in youth ministry is to be healthy. While in prayer a few weeks ago I felt that the Lord gave me an idea - a picture that would help me communicate how unhealthy things lead to destruction. I was awake nearly all night for several nights in a row preparing a script for what I thought would be a dramatic presentation to demonstrate this, to challenge the students to look at themselves and ask if there were unhealthy things within them, and to point to the things that do lead to health in a ministry. 

Prayed up and with lots of prep time under my belt, that Wednesday night I launched my illustration which was an all-out funeral for a fictional character who was the personification of unhealthy group dynamics - things like cliques, gossip, bad attitudes, being critical, and living with passivity and laziness toward the things of God. After talking about how these unhealthy things led to his death, I then talked about the positive things that we should embrace in order to be a healthy community - things like inclusiveness, speaking well of others, having a good attitude, being a contributor, and living with passion for the Lord. It was intentionally a serious presentation to drive home a serious point. 

Following the funeral service I explained to the students that what they had just witnessed was fictional, but that the issues raised were very real. I had them get into small groups with leaders to unpack the experience a bit. It was during this time that I realized that in my effort to be convincing in my presentation, I might have turned up the emotional volume to such an extent that some could not hear the point I was trying to communicate. Feedback from some people confirmed that a handful of students were a bit confused and had misinterpreted the presentation. 

During our youth service the following Wednesday I took a few minutes to talk with everyone and bring clarity to the situation. I helped them understand that the presentation was not intended to be a joke, which apparently some students thought I had played on them, but rather an attempt to use a creative and memorable illustration to drive home a powerful point. I apologize to anyone who might have felt this way or felt that I had carried the illustration too far. I should have made it a bit shorter and been more clear in my intention. Another thing that probably would have been helpful is if I would have facilitated a question and answer time myself so that I could clarify and teach everyone at the same time. Finally, I let the students know that it was genuine love and care for them that had been my motivation that evening, and that I was sorry if I failed in showing them that. I reminded them that I am far from perfect, and that when I make a mistake I try to learn from it and move forward. Hopefully they now understand the point I was trying to make, and I pray that they also see in me a teachable spirit and a willingness to embrace responsibility for mistakes and grow in God’s grace.

I hope and pray that this has been informative and helpful. I am making no excuses and simply wanted to provide a bit of explanation. I am sure this will not be my last mistake, but I always seek to learn from those mistakes so that they are not failures. 

If I can be of further assistance to you, please feel free to contact me. I appreciate when people come to me directly when issues such as this arise so that we can walk in accordance with Jesus’ teaching in Matthew 18, keeping our relationships healthy and ensuring that our community is functioning in a biblical, Christ-like fashion.

Always Growing,

PK

The Great Coffin Controversy 2009